Mike Francis Improv Comedy Scripts
#2-12 Saddleworth Business Centre, Delph, Saddleworth OL3 5DH


Would you like to insult someone... and get away with it?
Then this is the script for you!

Supplied digitally as a typewritten script in PDF format. This can be manipulated to any design required in MS Word including a page to view on your phone or tablet.

"If you were 40 years younger, I could fall in love"


Finally, Hundreds of ways to Insult Anybody Just Like A Brit …and Get Away With It (just like they can!) 


Have you ever noticed that British people deliver the best insults?...

Could it be that…


1. They are far cleverer than anyone on the planet?


2. They’re the only country with a queen that is 200 years old?


3. Nobody else can understand their accent so they just laugh to be courteous?


Well, maybe. Most people just connect Monty Python with every other Brit in the world and assume they are funny!


All this begs the question….”Could I be as funny and insulting as a Brit? 

How would you like to: Deliver classic insults with lightning speed…and get away with it?




You will find just about everything you need in this book for your insulting needs. Buddy banter will never be the same again!

Insult Humour and Roast comedy is described as “a comedy genre in which the act consists mainly of offensive insults directed at the performer's audience and/or other performers.


Typical targets for insult include individuals in the show's audience. An insult comedian often maintains a competitive and interactive relationship with his or her audience. Insult comedy is often used to deflect or silence hecklers even when the rest of the show is not focused around it”.

Wiki says “Insult comedy is a style of comedy in which the comedian's jokes are based on insults, typically directed at the audience at the club or theatre where the comic is performing. Insults can be more generalized, directed at groups of people, or, in more specific situations, be delivered towards one individual in a ‘roast’ setting”.

  • "Is that your real face or are you still celebrating Halloween?" Arthur Smith

  • “Is that your wife? (Yes) fuck me; you dropped a bollock there didn’t you!” Bernard Manning

  • “Your bus leaves in 10 minutes... Be under it." John Cooper Clarke

  • "Look, it's all right to donate your brain to science but shouldn't you have waited ‘til you died?" Arthur Smith

  • "Why don't you go into that corner and finish evolving?" Russell Kane

  • "You're the kind of girl who thinks 'friends with benefits' means seeing someone who's claiming Jobseeker's Allowance." Brendan Dodds

  • “Can we get some crayons and a menu for this guy to colour in, please?” Rufus Hound (to bar staff)“

  • It's a night out for him.. and a night off for his family” Jack Dee

  • “Where's your girlfriend? Outside grazing, I presume...” Jo Brand

  • It turns out you’re not dyslexic, your just really really stupid. Frankie Boyle

All you have to do is memorise a few lines to see how easily YOU can use 'MILD' insult-humour to banter AND interact with your audience, friends or work colleagues for hilarious results.


Once you've used this stand-up technique, You'll quickly develop SUPER-confidence and never look back!

There are over 300 superb roasts and quips in this book so you'll never be lost for an insult again!


Start using insult humour today. We guarantee you'll have a lot of fun and be the life of every party.

The best thing about this hand-picked material? You need ZERO stand-up skills to use them yet get the same superb results as a professional comic!

FACT: Employees with a sense of humour do better at work.

Instant Download to your desktop and don't forget, it's 100% tax allowable!