Mike Francis Improv Comedy Scripts
#2-12 Saddleworth Business Centre, Delph, Saddleworth OL3 5DH


Defend yourself from 'er indoors' by making her chuckle!
Then this is the script for you!

Supplied digitally as a typewritten script in PDF format. This can be manipulated to any design required in MS Word including a page to view on your phone or tablet.

Henpeck; Terrible things to say to the other half!

Can you learn how to be witty, funny, sharp?  …in an instant?

Stand-Up Comics can control one heckler AND amuse several hundred people at the same time using a short sharp one-liner or ‘banter’. With the banter in this script you too will easily develop similar skills in no time at all, skills you can use in everyday conversations, at home, at work, or everybody’s favourite, flirting!

The power of banter can turn a shy man into an alpha male without the need for big muscles and can turn a bullied employee into a bully, in an instant!

“They certainly punched above their weight”
–Brighton Magazine

The first and most effective way to succeed in dealing with someone you'd prefer to strangle is simply to ignore them. In most situations, such boorish individuals will become frustrated by your lack of response.

Allthough a quick wit and a memorised list of professional insults is without doubt the quickest and most hurtful, plus it's much cheaper than a baseball bat.

So, find 25 short sharp lines from the Henpeck Banter Library and simply memorise them, this is not rocket science.

...for instance;

  • “Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a twat!”

  • "That reminds me. I must get some piano wire."

  • "Marriage is okay, it’s just that the hours are long"

  • "I've seen better dressed wounds"


Inside this ebook you'll find one hundred more cutting and hilarious but risky insults! Plus, comebacks, remarks, retorts, and rumours to wipe the floor with 'the other half'.

“Banter is simply a memorised list of lightning-fast quips for common situations” and here’s the key, you just need to have a few "spontaneous" responses ready to go!


Yes, the key to being spontaneous is to plan! All you need is a little ammo and you’ll find plenty in this pocket book. It’s not a joke book, it’s not a tool to make you the next Jimmy Carr, it’s a collection of around a hundred hand chosen quips that don’t need expert comic timing.

Banter is the little devil on your shoulder that helps you cross the line from boring and polite to cheeky, sharp and charismatic.

Go get 'em!