Mike Francis Improv Comedy Scripts
#2-12 Saddleworth Business Centre, Delph, Saddleworth OL3 5DH


Do you need more  creative slander?
Then this is the script for you!

Supplied digitally as a typewritten script in PDF format. This can be manipulated to any design required in MS Word including a page to view on your phone or tablet.

Salon Bitch

"I compiled this script after sitting in a unisex salon one day - I couldn’t believe the amount of hilarious bitchiness I overheard, it was so incredibly entertaining.


I decided there and then to give all salon staff of the world, even more bitchy ammunition to work with".

--Mike Francis. Author.

“That cow is responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood ”

...and one hundred more hilarious bitchy remarks, Retorts, and rumours for the salon!


Salon quips, banter by a professional stand-up comic. Get the ultimate weapon and make every day fun.

Banter is the use of witty quips and remarks in a good-humoured teasing way. A banter mistress just waits for an everyday situation to arise, and always seems to have the right funny quip at the right time.


Banter appears sharp, witty and spontaneous but it isn’t, and here’s the inside secret direct from the horse’s mouth, a stand-up comedian, “Banter is simply a memorised list of lightning-fast quips for common situations” and here’s the key. You need to have a few "spontaneous" responses ready to go, and you need to let situations trigger your banter as they arise.

Yes, the key to being spontaneous is to plan!

All you need is a little ammo and you’ll find plenty in this pocket book. It’s not a joke book, it’s not a tool to make you the next Jo Brand, it’s a collection of around a hundred hand chosen quips that don’t need expert comic timing. Quick puns and comebacks that will make you the centre of attention.

Banter is the little devil on your shoulder that helps you cross the line from boring and polite to cheeky and charismatic. All you have to do is memorise one or two and weave them into your daily routine.